Tell Your Money Where to Go

So right now I'm reminded of something Dave Ramsey says, and that is to tell your money where to go. Have a plan for every $1 you make. You control what you spend it on, and KNOW what you spend it on. Don't be surprised by how much you have left or how little you have left! No surprises when you have a steady job and can rely on a certain $ amount each week.

Be in control!!!

Why am I reminded of this? Well we have been following his advice about snow balling debt. We put our debts in order of amount starting with the lowest. When we pay the lowest off that payment is then tacked on to the next debt in line, so that you are paying extra. The cycle continues until you pay it all off and it goes quickly when you are paying so much extra than the minimum! Anyway . . . I was scheduling loan payments for the month and noticed one to AES was significantly lower this month. Just so happens that our lowest debt is through them so I always select to decide how much to pay on each loan individually. This way I can put extra on the smallest one. Well . . . the screen loaded and I noticed that they had it set up so that I wouldn't pay anything for my lowest loan . . . I guess because I've been paying extra, and they don't want me to pay it off sooner. I don't know why I was shocked by this, but I was.

I was like, "oh no you didn't" I'll be paying my usual extra on that one . . . arg!!

I want to call them bad names, but I'm trying to work on that.

Anyway . . . watch your loan payments. Make sure you are actually paying on each individual loan you have with any given lender. Sly little . . . mmmmmmmmm

Multi-Generational Living . . . What We Bring to the Table

Well as I have mentioned many times. We live with my parents.

Sometimes we even do it well. Most days are fairly good, but occasionally there is a week, or month, or maybe just a day when things feel really hard and I want to run for the hills.

Our house is full of people: me and mine (Sean and the two kids), my sister who moved back in after graduating from college last May, and of course the owners - my loving and generous parents (oh and their 2 cats . . . ).

My brother's fiance called it camp one day when we were joking about turning our home into a cat shelter/ home for our ENTIRE family. So we often refer to it as "camp" for good fun.

Needless to say we are on top of each other. My family lives in the finished basement, but mostly Libby rules the whole house. Toys are located all over the place. And I spend a good majority of my day upstairs where there is more natural light and access to the kitchen. So much easier to not have to be up and down the stairs a gazillion times a day.

The decision to embark on this adventurous living arrangement was not an easy one to come by. Our move was a bit desperate and full of fear. I think we would have done it even in the mind set we are in now, but I still wish we had been a bit more trusting of God. Anyway, it was a hard decision that we made. It was hardest on me. It hurt my pride to move back in with mom and dad. I had imagined success meant something different than what it actually means to me today. When I ventured away from home to the big (small) world of college I saw "Success = nice stuff, more $, perfection, etc." But success is nothing like that in my mind today. I do consider our debt accumulation an epic FAIL, but . . . not a lack of success. Our story isn't over anyway so to stamp "successful" or "unsuccessful" on it would be premature. Also, I'm not measuring my life against the "American dream" anymore. I had previously gotten into my head that I was going to achieve this goal in a very short amount of time and even more, that I was entitled to achieve it quickly. Weird.

Anyway. We are successfully making wiser choices with money. We are successfully enjoying our children every day. We are successfully living a simple life (with a rather complicated schedule . . . ). Our success is not measured by our bank accounts.

Life is not about the Benjamins, baby.
   (funny . . . my life is a lot about my baby, Benjamin.)

I do want to be in my own, separate home again. Someday.

Back to our multi-generational home though . . . When we moved in I was full of fear and regret, and then we had this honey moon stage of living all together . . .

It was so nice to see my parents and sister after all being away from each other for years. We are a very close knit family. Watching my parents enjoy Libby was fabulous. Having 3 extra pairs of hands in the house with a toddler and baby . . . AWESOME.

Yes, yes, all good things. Living together has not always been fabulous though. I'm not just living at home with my folks and kids. I'm a married woman with a FAMILY of my own. A whole new way of doing things suddenly collided with the way I grew up. Sean and I were only married for just shy of 3 years before we moved in with them. That's not a lot of time to establish yourselves and really stand out as a separate couple and family unit. I thought it was, but since being "back home" I've realized how hard it is to set ourselves apart from one giant family unit. The every day grind is done mostly without my husband around too, so it can be difficult to separate "our way" from "the way" in the house. I'm not sure if that will make sense to people outside of our situation, but I'm trying! And this is not about a right or wrong way of doing things.

Basically, we knew living together was going to present challenges, but what those challenges actually are have kind of caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting them, even though they seem kind of common sense. Of course our ways of living will collide . . . I just hadn't realized how different they were.

We all have different expectations of each other, different wants and needs . . . and different ways of communicating about it. Finding that happy medium can be quite challenging. You're constantly coming up against how someone else is doing on any given day . . . emotions, schedules, HORMONES,  . . . just so much happening all at once. The daily coming and going and interfering with someone's plans. It's just a lot to juggle. It can be hard not to feel like a frustrated teenager who doesn't understand why there is always someone to answer to! :) It would be nice to not have to speak and not worry about it offending someone. But in a house where there is rarely a quiet moment, not speaking usually means there is a problem, and that would prompt someone to come talk to you about it. Lol . . . it's so true though . . .

I'll tell ya what . . . communication . . . IS the key to EVERY relationship.

Sometimes it feels like I'm expected to always be in a good mood. I'm not always in a good mood. I am a mother of a toddler and infant.

They are a joy, don't get me wrong, but there are days when I seriously consider whether or not Libby could handle everything for the evening if I just took a hike . . . needless to say I always conclude that, even though she can now climb into a kitchen chair and occasionally put Ben's paci in his mouth right side up, she is not ready to baby sit so mom can have some alone time. Darn.

Alone time just doesn't really happen in a house with kids and several adults. There are lots of things you know you will give up when you have kids, but it's not until you have kids that you truly grasp what those sacrifices are like. I miss me time. I said it.

Lots going on here . . . lots to share, so hopefully I will be able to keep up here!

parents check this out for some giggles: 20 Thing Only Parents Will Understand

Oh . . . The Response

This is my response to what I mapped out in "Oh . . . The Problem." So read that first maybe?

Debt. Oh, debt. Where do I begin? Avoid it. If you can't avoid it, understand it. Understand that debt has to be paid. You can apply for forbearance while you are broke, but eventually you have to pay it back. It will wait for you, don't worry. Then as soon as you have enough money to (not live on . . . no no) pay them back, you have to.

WHAT TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE COLLEGE:

Cost of obtaining degree - scholarships and grants = what you need in loans or working your tail off and using that $ stuff

 If YOU pay for college, meaning actually use your own dough and not some banks, then AWESOME!! You don't have to worry about this next part.

If you are a loan collector like many of us are then you have to figure out how to work this one:

Potential monthly earning with said "degree" NEEDS TO BE >  loans payments
A LOT GREATER . . . Why greater than? So you can afford things like food, medical expenses, a roof, clothes, children, etc.

Well, that makes sense. Actually that seems like common sense. I never saw this being a problem for me. I couldn't imagine not having a job that could cut it. After all I WENT TO COLLEGE!! Duh, I would get a great paying job. Even if it wasn't in my field . . . they would see I went to college and that would get me places. I was taught that. In fact there are people who still tell me that. Sure if I'm compared to someone else who is equal to me in all other aspects except the degree then maybe I would be chosen . . . but I'm in a pool of tons of people who have degrees and are struggling to find a job. (Well except that I'm not actually looking for a job right now, because I want to stay at home with my babies. I cover my loans and my amazing husband does the rest.)

All the stuff you have to pay for aside from loans is enough to make things hard in this economy . . . adding loans can land you in your parents' basement (which also isn't that bad, so don't beat yourself up if you aren't in your dream home by age 25). So before you accept that loan you pre-qualified for, figure out if you can afford to pay it back without stopping your rent/mortgage payments to do it.

Numbers. Look at the numbers . . .

So my current situation is something like this: I am married with 2 children and our combined school debt payments are taking the place of the mortgage payment I imagined myself paying in this family stage of life. Four months ago my husband started jobs that would allow us to pay both our loans and our living expenses, six months after moving in with my parents. He works 72 hours a week. Prior to those 2 jobs he started we couldn't even afford our living expenses, let alone loan payments. We were paying on 1/3 of our loans. Thankfully we are now paying extra on our loans, and have started paying them off one by one.

We could move out now, but things would be insanely tight. We also don't want to move out because my parents don't charge us much rent so that we are able to pay down some debt instead. Which is awesome!! Hard, but awesome. We can't get a mortgage because of our debt. If we had one we would essentially be paying 2 mortgages. Who can afford that? Before we had kids . . . and I was working full time too . . . sure. But we had kids, and we both want me to be home with them. I do work some, but not full time. Anyway. My point in sharing this is to show how reality is when you make poor decisions.

Now having said all that . . . things are not horrible. We are not without our needs. There is nothing wrong with getting by in life by hard work. I don't think anything should be handed to us.

 And what's more . . . God has a plan. We started facing our debt with a lot of fear. Constantly crunching numbers, arguing, worrying, crying even. We didn't spend very much time praying or trusting. Our faith was pretty puny. We've learned a thing or two. We aren't lost at sea with no hope of finding the shore. We aren't dangling on by a thread. We aren't alone. God cares. He cares that we royally messed this one up and need help. He provides. He provides every day. Be it money, food, encouragement, love . . . he ALWAYS gives us what we need. I'm so grateful that I am learning this. I've realized something. Every good and perfect thing comes from him. EVERYTHING. There are a million ways to try to dissect how. He led someone to give. Circumstances lined up. He was teaching us. He revealed this or that. He gave someone the right words to motivate and encourage us. He gave us the mind to change things. Whatever. I know I have to give him the credit, because months ago when I was pretending to be in charge things were a sloppy mess.

If we move out. He will provide. I know he will, because he has done it every day so far.

I've learned to pray a lot more, and repetitively. I've learned to trust. My faith has been restored and grows every day. He is faithful when I am faithless. I'll take it!

If you find yourself with debt as bad, worse, or maybe not quite as extreme as ours . . . know that you are not alone. There are so many others out there facing similar trials and more importantly succeeding. Actually, shout out to Dave Ramsey and the Financial Peace University. GREAT TOOL for tackling debt and handling money the right way. It taught me a lot of what I "knew" but didn't know how to do. Really helps you be a good steward of what God gives you. Take the class or read The Total Money Makeover. 

We had read the book a couple months after getting married and took the class last spring. It changed the way we did things. We are snowballing our loan payments like a boss now too . . .  :) We see money differently.

If you are thinking about going into debt. Know exactly what you are getting into before you sign the dotted line. (Don't do it and cut up your credit cards while you are at it.) If you do go into debt . . . expect to pay for it. You are responsible. You alone. (and word to parents- DO NOT COSIGN unless you CAN and WILL pay the payments if your child fails to. I know our parents cannot afford our debt . . . they should not have cosigned. Thankfully we are paying it though, so they don't have to. Had we not qualified for forbearance at one point, or whatever . . . they would have been hit hard.)

(I laugh, because this is us. At least I can laugh. But really debt is no laughing matter . . . )

I'll also add that we cut up and closed our credit cards, even store cards. (except Target because we get 5% off and free shipping every time and are faithful to pay it off immediately!) I personally have never owned a credit card. My husband cut his up when we got married. We have never in our married life charged a credit card. 3 1/2 years and no emergency that God couldn't handle without us going into debt to cover. He has blessed us with family who cares to help each other when in need, so even if both of our cars died tomorrow I wouldn't worry at all about getting to work. Someone would let me borrow their car! lol . . .


soooooooooooo long story short

Know your stuff. Make good choices. Trust God. We all will make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over them, but learn! Own it, move on, be gracious to yourself and others, cling to God! Have faith.

and for the love . . . stop comparing yourself to everyone else. We all have our issues, and you would probably pick yours over the next person's.

Oh . . . The Problem

My generation is in an eye opening stage of life. I call it the, "Oh" stage.

There is the long drawn out "Oooohhhh . . . that's what you meant by high school is the time of your life."
(By the way, this phrase should also include college. Loads of fun. Time of your life also translates "easiest time of your life." I say that because being married to a wonderful man and having 2 beautiful kids is pretty much the greatest thing to happen to me.)

and the blunt and disappointed "Oh. Life is actually not at all what people pretended it was when they tried to point us in the best direction that was somehow going to be all we wanted for the rest of our lives. . . ."

We are caught somewhere between wanting to blame our parents/teachers/mentors/othereducatorsingeneral/selves and realizing they fed into the lie too. Somehow we all had it in our heads that everyone who ever wanted to be anyone had to go to college.

I have nothing against furthering education, and I think everyone should, at some point in life, go after an education in something they are truly passionate about. Or if they have the money to spend on it go learn something new that has always interested them. I do truly value the education I received at Eastern, and I know it was all for a reason. But at the time . . . perhaps the wrong reasons. I would never trade it for anything, because after all I met my husband the first day of classes and now we have two beautiful children. But this post isn't about the "well this never would have happened" effect of the decision behind going to a private liberal arts school. This post is about making a wise decision, and I think a lot of people will be able to relate to me and my husband.

We are in a tough spot, and there is no one really to blame. We could blame ourselves for not knowing better. We could blame our parents for not leading us down a better path. We could blame our schools for creating the pressure to do it but not educating us on how best to do it. We could blame any number of people . . . and I think every one of them should be learning from our mistakes so that we don't keep creating the same problems.

That's just it though. There is no need to place blame. We do need to learn though. We need to reflect and teach how to do it better . . .

DEBT  . . . obscene amounts of debt. I was more fortunate than my husband to have more scholarships and poorer parents (aka more grants) that allowed me to go to a private school without taking out an obscene amount of loans. At least that is how I have justified it in my head. I never should have done it though. It goes against reason to go into any debt over a degree I could have gotten at my local state school had I stayed home and worked to pay for classes in addition to all the scholarships and grant money I had. Seriously, it could have been done.

My husband and I have had countless conversations about the poor decisions he made to go into so much debt and how he could have done it differently and over a longer period of time. It does matter to know what could have been done better, because someday we will be facing this with our children.

I do have to give him credit though . . . he started at a state school (doing gen eds.) until he knew what he actually wanted to go for. Biblical Studies. Well good bye state school, hello private school, and seminary.

Having a degree is a great thing. Having a degree you never actually use . . . not necessary unless you had the money and wanted to spend it that way. Definitely not worth debt for the rest of your life. I have a bachelor's in psychology, because I enjoyed it and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life other than be a mom. All I knew was that I wanted a degree in something and wanted a chance at better paying jobs. After all I didn't want to be THAT uneducated person who got a job instead of a diploma and could never hold a high paying job.

Seriously? Embarrassing to admit, I know. I originally wanted to go to school for missions, but was advised not to. I was advised to get a more generic degree that would be more practical for employment yet was still related to service to others . . . good in theory . . . doesn't play out that way at all though. But hey I'm a mom though, so I can struggle with my practically worthless degree later. That and I'm going to go with my passion for photography and start a business . . . wish I had a practical more employable business degree. Crap . . .

Anyway . . . what someone should have advised me to do was GET A JOB . . . do some interning!!! Find out what the heck interested me enough to spend tens of thousands of dollars on. I'm one of those people who likes a lot of different things and is good at a lot of different things. So it takes me some time to really know what I'll love for a long time. Which is one of the reasons I have not jumped into a masters's program! YIKES! Thankfully I love photography and don't have to go to school for it, although I could!! ugh . . .

I don't remember anyone close to me suggesting anything based on my strengths and interests. Well except for all the people who expressed disappointment in me not going to school for music. No offense music majors, but really glad I didn't do that one! :) But seriously no one ever sat me down and said . . . "You are fantastic at ________. Have you ever considered a career in it?" Or "I see your passion for photography. Why not take a few classes and get some experience to see if it could turn into a career you would love." I had people who seriously wanted me to audition for televised shows like American Idol and America's Got Talent . . . not my dream, people.

I was told this: if you want a decent job you have to go to college. If you want to do more than get by you have to go to college. You can't get a job without a degree.

Then when you are in college they tell you: you have to get a masters. Lol . .

I would like to put on record that, yes my husband is a pastor and therefore is using his schooling, but his full time job that brings in most of the money is actually one that DOES NOT REQUIRE A DEGREE. And has nothing to do with Biblical studies. I also have many jobs that don't require a degree: motherhood, sales associate, Mary Kay consultant, and photographer . . . great, awesome.

Okay, okay . . . I'm really not against a college degree. And if you know exactly what you want then go for it. I just have seen too many people go for something without really knowing what interested them or being burned out after spending 4+ years studying to do something that no longer interested them when it was all said and done.

College isn't what I was led to believe. It isn't this place to go live out your dreams to their fullest. It isn't some magical world that transforms you into a money making genius that will never make the same mistakes of people who came before . . . You don't come out with more answers than your parents or equipped to face every trial in life. And the sad thing is, most people come out with debt.


This entry is getting way too long. So I'm calling what I have so far "The Problem" and posting the rest as my response.


I am in no way trying to discourage people from going after their dreams, just realize to do so there are sacrifices. Sacrifices like not seeing family or having no spare time at all because you work 24/7 or postponing things you want or maybe . . . new dreams.