Oh . . . The Response

This is my response to what I mapped out in "Oh . . . The Problem." So read that first maybe?

Debt. Oh, debt. Where do I begin? Avoid it. If you can't avoid it, understand it. Understand that debt has to be paid. You can apply for forbearance while you are broke, but eventually you have to pay it back. It will wait for you, don't worry. Then as soon as you have enough money to (not live on . . . no no) pay them back, you have to.

WHAT TO UNDERSTAND BEFORE COLLEGE:

Cost of obtaining degree - scholarships and grants = what you need in loans or working your tail off and using that $ stuff

 If YOU pay for college, meaning actually use your own dough and not some banks, then AWESOME!! You don't have to worry about this next part.

If you are a loan collector like many of us are then you have to figure out how to work this one:

Potential monthly earning with said "degree" NEEDS TO BE >  loans payments
A LOT GREATER . . . Why greater than? So you can afford things like food, medical expenses, a roof, clothes, children, etc.

Well, that makes sense. Actually that seems like common sense. I never saw this being a problem for me. I couldn't imagine not having a job that could cut it. After all I WENT TO COLLEGE!! Duh, I would get a great paying job. Even if it wasn't in my field . . . they would see I went to college and that would get me places. I was taught that. In fact there are people who still tell me that. Sure if I'm compared to someone else who is equal to me in all other aspects except the degree then maybe I would be chosen . . . but I'm in a pool of tons of people who have degrees and are struggling to find a job. (Well except that I'm not actually looking for a job right now, because I want to stay at home with my babies. I cover my loans and my amazing husband does the rest.)

All the stuff you have to pay for aside from loans is enough to make things hard in this economy . . . adding loans can land you in your parents' basement (which also isn't that bad, so don't beat yourself up if you aren't in your dream home by age 25). So before you accept that loan you pre-qualified for, figure out if you can afford to pay it back without stopping your rent/mortgage payments to do it.

Numbers. Look at the numbers . . .

So my current situation is something like this: I am married with 2 children and our combined school debt payments are taking the place of the mortgage payment I imagined myself paying in this family stage of life. Four months ago my husband started jobs that would allow us to pay both our loans and our living expenses, six months after moving in with my parents. He works 72 hours a week. Prior to those 2 jobs he started we couldn't even afford our living expenses, let alone loan payments. We were paying on 1/3 of our loans. Thankfully we are now paying extra on our loans, and have started paying them off one by one.

We could move out now, but things would be insanely tight. We also don't want to move out because my parents don't charge us much rent so that we are able to pay down some debt instead. Which is awesome!! Hard, but awesome. We can't get a mortgage because of our debt. If we had one we would essentially be paying 2 mortgages. Who can afford that? Before we had kids . . . and I was working full time too . . . sure. But we had kids, and we both want me to be home with them. I do work some, but not full time. Anyway. My point in sharing this is to show how reality is when you make poor decisions.

Now having said all that . . . things are not horrible. We are not without our needs. There is nothing wrong with getting by in life by hard work. I don't think anything should be handed to us.

 And what's more . . . God has a plan. We started facing our debt with a lot of fear. Constantly crunching numbers, arguing, worrying, crying even. We didn't spend very much time praying or trusting. Our faith was pretty puny. We've learned a thing or two. We aren't lost at sea with no hope of finding the shore. We aren't dangling on by a thread. We aren't alone. God cares. He cares that we royally messed this one up and need help. He provides. He provides every day. Be it money, food, encouragement, love . . . he ALWAYS gives us what we need. I'm so grateful that I am learning this. I've realized something. Every good and perfect thing comes from him. EVERYTHING. There are a million ways to try to dissect how. He led someone to give. Circumstances lined up. He was teaching us. He revealed this or that. He gave someone the right words to motivate and encourage us. He gave us the mind to change things. Whatever. I know I have to give him the credit, because months ago when I was pretending to be in charge things were a sloppy mess.

If we move out. He will provide. I know he will, because he has done it every day so far.

I've learned to pray a lot more, and repetitively. I've learned to trust. My faith has been restored and grows every day. He is faithful when I am faithless. I'll take it!

If you find yourself with debt as bad, worse, or maybe not quite as extreme as ours . . . know that you are not alone. There are so many others out there facing similar trials and more importantly succeeding. Actually, shout out to Dave Ramsey and the Financial Peace University. GREAT TOOL for tackling debt and handling money the right way. It taught me a lot of what I "knew" but didn't know how to do. Really helps you be a good steward of what God gives you. Take the class or read The Total Money Makeover. 

We had read the book a couple months after getting married and took the class last spring. It changed the way we did things. We are snowballing our loan payments like a boss now too . . .  :) We see money differently.

If you are thinking about going into debt. Know exactly what you are getting into before you sign the dotted line. (Don't do it and cut up your credit cards while you are at it.) If you do go into debt . . . expect to pay for it. You are responsible. You alone. (and word to parents- DO NOT COSIGN unless you CAN and WILL pay the payments if your child fails to. I know our parents cannot afford our debt . . . they should not have cosigned. Thankfully we are paying it though, so they don't have to. Had we not qualified for forbearance at one point, or whatever . . . they would have been hit hard.)

(I laugh, because this is us. At least I can laugh. But really debt is no laughing matter . . . )

I'll also add that we cut up and closed our credit cards, even store cards. (except Target because we get 5% off and free shipping every time and are faithful to pay it off immediately!) I personally have never owned a credit card. My husband cut his up when we got married. We have never in our married life charged a credit card. 3 1/2 years and no emergency that God couldn't handle without us going into debt to cover. He has blessed us with family who cares to help each other when in need, so even if both of our cars died tomorrow I wouldn't worry at all about getting to work. Someone would let me borrow their car! lol . . .


soooooooooooo long story short

Know your stuff. Make good choices. Trust God. We all will make mistakes. Don't beat yourself up over them, but learn! Own it, move on, be gracious to yourself and others, cling to God! Have faith.

and for the love . . . stop comparing yourself to everyone else. We all have our issues, and you would probably pick yours over the next person's.

Struck a Chord

I've been avoiding my bed, doing the usual . . . scrolling down my FB news feed and then pressing the refresh button when I get bored to see if anyone has posted anything interesting. Ya know . . . important stuff.

Anyway. I came across this post: http://lemmonythings.wordpress.com/2014/01/05/god-will-give-you-more-than-you-can-handle-i-guarantee-it/

Read it first! Or this response might not make much sense!

It struck a chord with me. Like so many others I have been told time and time again that God won't give me more than I can handle. Kayla was much kinder than I have been in response to this. She recognizes that people who say this care about you. I don't know. I tend to resent people who tell me I don't have more on my plate than I can handle, especially when I came to them to tell them the opposite. (It just seems like a nice way to say "I don't care, deal with your own crap." Ya know? Like a "you can handle this so stop crying about it." It's just so unhelpful to say. I would rather hear "I'm praying for you." and then watch the person turn and walk away.) I know we say things just to say them and maybe because we don't know what else to say, but lets be challenged to at least use cliches that hold some truth.

I couldn't agree more that we face things in life that we simply cannot handle. I can't relate to her story of loss, but we have all gone through trials and can at least relate to the "more than you can handle" part. Life is full of things I can't handle. From a Christian perspective that seems kind of common sense. I mean if we could handle it all why would we need a Savior? What would we need saved from? I mean I can't even handle my own sin let alone the sins of the world that affect me daily. We live in a fallen world and are constantly affected by terribly things that are a result of that sin. That's life. It's hard.

Ugh, what's my point already?  . . .

God, people! It's about God. It all is. We are nothing. And that is supposed to be a reassuring comment. Thankfully we don't have to rely on ourselves. Being a Christian begins with this fundamental truth. It's not our doing. We don't save ourselves from sin. God does. We can't possibly carry the burden of our own sin, but God can. I can't face this world on my own, but God can carry me through it. He is my strength. I have none without him. It is such a relief to realize that. I am so thankful that I don't have to rely on myself. I don't somehow have to muster up the strength from somewhere within my puny self to face the trials in my life. I would never stand a chance. I'm reminded of that every trial I face, because I almost always go at it as if I can do it on my own. And that always results in a heaping pile of mess on the floor, God pick me up 'cuz I did it again realization that I cannot do it apart from Him. I need His strength. Period.

Why do we think we can do it? I know I often catch myself (usually late in the game after I've exhausted myself from trying and failing) trying to be in control of my life. The funny thing is until I realize that's what I've been doing I actually think I am in control of my life. Sometimes I actually give myself credit for trucking through something. Which is always embarrassing because what I actually do get the credit for is making a hot mess of things. Then it dawns on me . . . oh hey maybe I should be taking this to God. Maybe I should be first asking myself what God would have me do with this situation. Maybe I should actually take Him seriously here. And the best part of it all . . . just because I thought I was calling the shots . . . just because I had to "take it Him" . . . doesn't mean he didn't have it all in his hands in the first place. PHEW! I associate this with the feeling that you are falling and just as you realize what's happening you also remember you are harnessed so you were never actually in danger to begin with. That's what losing control of your life is like as a Christian. You never truly had control, so when you "lose" it you get to remember God has your back.

Wow He's faithful to no end. The more I grow in faith the more I realize how horrible I am and how great He is. Thinking about how faithful God is to me despite me makes my eyes well up.

I could ramble on and on. But I won't. Benny has been asleep for a little while, so I'm missing out on valuable rest.

I'll leave with a song lyric from Mark Schultz. (This song is often in the back of my mind.) "You never said it would be easy, but you said you'd see me through the storm. And even though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow, I will hold tight to the hand of Him whose love will comfort me. And when all hope is gone, and I've been wounded in the battle, He is all the strength that I will ever need. He will carry me."