Baskets of laundry, and folded dirty diapers. Crumblings of crackers, and everyone's shoes. Wash cloths, and markers. Dried grass, and books. These are a few of the things . . . on my floor.
Sigh
Life hasn't slowed down a bit. It is time I did. I'm letting myself off the hook. I'm not going to accomplish it all in one day, and I'm cool with that. Really. It is not just a lie I'm telling myself anymore. I'm going to embrace the mess that is my life. Maybe even instagram it and make it feel glamorous. Lol . . . living authentic anyone? Moving on . . .
No, it really isn't glamorous. I feel sticky most days, so I'm not really sure how to work that into the glam scene.
I'm channeling anti-perfection today. I don't have to be perfect. I know I'm not, so it is time I start letting that go and enjoying myself more. I mean I have days where I really want to wear my favorite outfit of the moment, but if my hair can't also look good then the whole thing is ruined, RUINED! What is with that? I'm so annoying sometimes. I don't expect this of anyone else.
Okay that is such a lie. I know I hold my husband and children to ridiculous standards at times, and obviously disappoint myself on repeat. In one breath I can ask that my husband not be so hard on me, and then scold him for not doing something exactly how I wanted it. Yep. It happens. And those sweet babies (that aren't at all babies, but don't say that) that I cherish for their unique little minds. I'm instilling the fear of failure in them. No!! I don't want that. Failing is normal, and shouldn't destroy your day. I mean sure, there are some failures that need more time to get over than others, but every day mishaps of toddler life, no. I say this now, but in the midst of disobedience and exhaustion it is so much harder to not let it all get to you. That is why I need to slow down. Focus on what counts. Sound expectations delivered with love rather than in angst. Patience and grace . . . ahh those two things I lack only regularly.
Ya know what I love about fall scenes? They make me take a deep breath, and then magically my mind slows down. I smell fallen leaves and my brain immediately associates it with the smell of apples, caramel, and pumpkin pie. Then I get hungry. . . but mostly I feel rest for a moment. Then I think, "What was I rushing about? Where was I and who cares?" Yesterday when the kids and I were playing outside it was warm with a breeze. I was present. I enjoyed our time without thinking about what was next or how to keep this one from spoiling with a fight or let down will.
Toddlers are exhausting. They are a lot of work, I mean really. Entertain yo self and quit whining about it! But they are so darn cute. I mean ridiculously cute sometimes. When my son points his little finger at me, always bent a little, and tells me what he is about to do, I can't help but melt inside. When my daughter thinks going on a walk is an adventure, I think, "YES! I'm raising my best friend here." I need to stop feeling guilty for letting other things go to enjoy them.
I love those kids, and they love me. I need to take a lesson from them. If they can love me despite the crap I throw their way at times, then I need to be able to do the same. They don't stop wanting me. It is the best feeling. I'm going to slow down and enjoy it.
Thanking God for my beautiful family.
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