Too Much and Never Enough

Well summer is a whirlwind. Busier than usual this season. I feel like I am doing too much, but never enough for the people looking for something from me.

I'm feeling so much pressure to make this summer the absolute most fulfilling for my kids. I know that is impossible, but it is constantly there. I'm slowly surrendering that weight, but not necessarily in the best ways. For example: tv watching during the summer should be low right? I mean it is summer, go outside finally! Orrrr one more movie and 30 more minutes on the Kindle. Suuuurrreeee, then mommy can catch up on bills and dishes instead of watch you run around the yard whining about the toy your sibling has.

Sigh

I did not come here to complain.

Busy presents a huge problem for me. I get even more selfish.

I'm so consumed by things that I have to do (granted I likely want to do them too) that my energy level for others is low. When the day is done (or beginning with a huge to-do list) I don't have energy for my kids, my marriage, my poor house . . .

It is not that I need to cut things out of my schedule. They are spaced out enough, but I need to set them aside most days. Organize my time better. Make a daily schedule again . . .

Let my kids see I am making time for them a priority in the day, not something to fit into my busy schedule. Let my husband see that I have the energy to give him the attention he wants, and take care of the house so he isn't also stressed out by its constant state of chaos.

I just need life to stop for a quick day so I can regroup. I need to get back in front of all this. I want a day to myself to gear up to do this right again.

I have such a hard time regrouping while my children scream. Something about that loop of unpleasant toddler noises that does not allow for productive anything. Is it bad that I want a day where I see no one? All alone, without having to worry about where or what they are doing? Guilt free, stress less, all the opportunity to get it together. That is what I want. I know very well that is not likely to happen, which I'm cool with. I just need the strength, discipline really, to get through it.

That is what God is doing right now. He is teaching me discipline. The importance, the reward, the necessity, really, to accomplish what He wants me to. I think being disciplined is a struggle for most people, but it has never been my priority. It is now. It is hard.

So, if you are thinking of me or praying for me, pray for me to become more disciplined in the things God wants me to do daily. Pray also that I and the people around me are gracious while I learn. Also, pray for my health. Nothing serious going on, just need to get it back to "normal" or in order. One last request, pray that while I seek to do that I don't also seek to control. That's a fast track to no where, and I am prone to wander that way.

Off to be productive or something. :)