Be Yourself, Mom.

So, if I wasn't clear enough in my last post, I really like the book I'm reading. Desperate

I hadn't picked it up in at least a week, so I did last night. I was literally reading my own life story. My exact thoughts and exact situations I have been experiencing. Yes, it is that relatable! Moms of young kids . . . read it! It's sooo worth your time.

I think I'm on the 3rd chapter. (Quick reader, that one. What is this week 4 and I've only picked the book up 3 times?) And it was addressing parenting formulas, and how they won't make you perfect. It was an encouraging chapter on parenting via the gospel. (Also reading Give Them Grace, which is a book on that subject specifically.)

BUT what I wasn't expecting to read was encouragement to be yourself and how important that is as a parent. Not just referring to your own parenting style, but just who you are as a person. Your interests, talents, etc. Do those things. Be who you are, because your children will see you living your life fully. It will show how you are strong in who you are, and can enjoy yourself even in a chaotic world where everyone has the best secret to being a perfect this or that. Just be you.

I needed to hear that. I have soooo many quirks and interests. I have a lot of energy bottled up, because I have been trying to fit myself into some sort of mold. As a woman, as a mother, as a wife . . . and it has all turned into this yearning to be who I used to be. To be care free, lovable, fun, slightly crazy, creative, involved . . . the list can ago on and on. I hear expectations. I see things and assume I am supposed to be just the same. I think, "wow if they see me being so weird, they will be all messed up." Or I can't teach them to follow their dreams, how impractical . . . I don't even know.

I know better. Most moms do. We know better. We know everyone is different. We know there are multiple right ways of doing things. Our/Their way really may not be better for everyone else, so let's stop comparing ALL. THE. TIME.

It is when something goes wrong that the frantic search for what broke and how to fix it begins. Internet searches, phone calls, observations, imagination . . . they take us down this rabbit trail of trying to be something we aren't, trying to control something we can't, trying to find strength in places that have none. All we know to be true quickly gets silenced as we seek to control the chaos.

I suppose I should stop using "we" . . . because, yes I assume I'm not the only one, but I hate it when people put words in my mouth. :)

I need to be myself. I need to embrace my quirks. I need to use my gifts. I need to follow after what God has placed in my life, not what is going on over there . . .

People are going to tell me I should or shouldn't do this or that. They are going to tell me what is best, right even. They are going to tell me what God wants for my life . . . and I'll take it all with a grain of salt.

God calls each of us to live different lives. There is no cookie cutter best possibility. Life isn't that clean. Don't drown out who you are with what the world wants you to be. Don't ignore what God has given you and called you to, because someone else thinks it should be another way (or like them).

I need to not be so hard on myself. I need to love who God made me to be. I need to be myself, so my kids can learn to do the same. I don't want them to pick up on how much I compare, envy, covet, etc. They need to see me love myself, so they can learn to do the same. I need to love myself despite my shortcomings. I need to embrace who I am and who God has called me to be. He will continue to refine me. I will continue to seek Him, and he will faithfully transform my life to be like Christ. Isn't that awesome. Man is He faithful . . .