Here I am again. I was thinking about actually having New Year's resolutions, because I could most definitely use some change and accountability for it. So, blogging . . . it's happening in 2015. I'm committing to blog at least once a month, but hopefully more like once a week.
How will I do this? Well . . . for starters I'm going to read a book. (Also a resolution- to read more.) I picked out a few and received a couple of them for Christmas.
I am starting with Desperate by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, hope for the mom who needs to breathe.
Ooo sign me up . . .
I cried reading the forward, and about every other page of the first chapter. I think it's going to be a good one . . . pullin' at my heart strings.
At the risk of irritating people by giving advice, allow me to . . .
When I was pregnant with my daughter I received a lot of reading material, and I read exactly 0. Thanks, everyone! ;) When I was pregnant with my son the only thing I did differently was eat less fried chicken (because we didn't live down the road from KFC) and not take my vitamins (it's amazing we're even alive!). Zero words of wisdom from books. Plenty of blog posts though . . . that mostly made me feel inadequate, which none of the writers were aiming to do. I prepared myself for labor, birthing, nursing, pumping, baby food, and cloth diapering. Ya know, the stuff to get you through daily life. Or is it . . .
I used to think being a good mom was in the every day details of making the right choices about what to eat, play, teach, and how to discipline. I'm learning that being a good mom a lot of times starts in my head the first time my son cries some time between 4 and 5 am. Those first thoughts that pop into my head that pave the way for more . . .
"I'm not ready. No. No. No. No. It's cold. Oh shut up already. Please don't wake your sister. It's fine he'll quiet down. I don't have the energy to pour milk into a bottle." *Hufff* Throw the covers aside so that my husband is well aware that I'm cranky, and rush to quiet the little man before his sister wakes up and "wants befest."
That is a typical too early morning. Then I'm DESPERATE to get back in the covers, DESPERATE for him to be quiet, DESPERATE for a moment to escape before the chaos . . .
Failed attempts to make something they will actually eat. Whining, Pushing. Diapers. Potty breaks. Tantrums. Time outs. Failed attempts at naps. Dirty dishes that seems to appear out of thin air.
The dread.
I'm not trying to paint that picture that simply turning that frown upside down at 5 am is going to make the rest of the day better . . . who smiles at 5 am? Even Ben is crying . . .
Help. Help is going to make the rest of the day better. So where do you get help at 5 am?
Or 8? or 10 . . . or 1:30 in the afternoon, or 4:45 . . .
God. For starters. Ya know, your heavenly father who is always there seeing you through even when you think he must hate you because your day keeps going wrong?
The gospel . . . Oh yeah, I'm going to fail at being a perfect mom every time . . . one of the many reasons I need Jesus, and my kids do too. But! Don't beat yourself up over it, because God loves you and is happy to be there. Seriously. Sadly, I find myself seeking refuge elsewhere, like the internet, tv, food, shopping, distractions of all kinds . . .
Then there's the other stuff that helps . . . friends, family, books, music, that extra piece (dozen pieces) of chocolate, coffee . . . (going to bed at a decent hour instead of blogging . . . )
I've done a terrible job of forming a support system. I have plenty of friends and family who care, but I'm really bad at keeping strong connections going and reaching out to people. There are a lot of reasons why including fear, guilt, PRIDE, time, etc. Weeelllll, that book I mentioned awhile ago has been driving home the point that moms can get quite desperate when they have no support system. People to talk to, people to listen to, people who can literally come give you a break so you can have a moment. Moms who are in the thick of it too, moms who are ahead of you, friends who can encourage you . . .
Get the picture? Ya know the saying, "it takes a village . . ." yeah that's not just a reflection. It's an instruction. You need more than yourself. Reach out. Pray a lot more, even if it is as simple as, "God give me strength, oh and love me too. I need it." He'll do it. And it might even help you realize that the little hellion in front of you needs the same thing. Help, because they are a sinner, and love . . .
Read something helpful. Pick it out yourself even. Or read along with me! I have a list . . .
Oh my. Here this post was going to be about my New Year's resolutions. lol.
Blog and Read . . . cue rabbit trail.
For those wondering what my other resolutions are: gain weight (haters gonna hate), and use social media less.
That's it. The End. My son will probably wake up in about 5 hours, so I'm going to go to sleep now.
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