In a Heart Beat!

Well,

I am a mother. I have a daughter. It's a wonderful life.

Elizabeth is such a bundle of joy. She is beautiful and happy. She is such a good girl.

I thought I should blog about my experience and some of my feelings throughout the labor process and after. I'll just cover the hospital stay in this post, otherwise it will get extremely lengthy. It's still all a bit surreal to me even now as I watch my little angel sleeping in her Moses basket on the couch next to me. Is this beautiful little love bug really mine? That little bugger that moved all over the place inside of me is a girl? I couldn't be more overwhelmed with emotion than I am now.

So, let me take you back to Thursday, May 3. I woke up at 5:30/6ish after a night of contractions that were mild enough to sleep through yet be aware of. My contractions were anywhere from 3 to 10 minutes apart. I finally couldn't ignore them anymore so I got out of bed and reluctantly told my sick husband that I was in labor. The poor man was a few days into a nasty sinus infection and needed all the sleep he could get. Of course we went to bed late like we always do after he gets home from the evening shift at work, so he was pretty tired. I felt bad waking him up, but I didn't want to be alone. We hung around the house for a bit until I decided to take a shower.

After my shower the contractions slowed to about 20 minutes apart. I was quite discouraged. I sent Sean back to bed for a few hours, and I managed to doze off on the couch for a bit. Then I got up and started pacing around the apartment. Eventually I woke Sean up. I was feeling quite jealous that he got to sleep and So, we went for a walk. We walked until I had to pee so badly that we had to go in. Then my contractions stopped for about an hour. I was soooo worried that I had just experienced yet another fake labor. My family was already on their way down . . . But obviously they started back up again at about 20 minutes apart. My family got here and we all labored together while watching TV. We called the hospital ready to go in at about 9:30 and they told me I shouldn't go in because I would be more likely to go the drug route if I'm in the hospital for longer. I didn't want to have to go in to the hospital in the middle of the night so we went anyway. I was only 2cm when I got there so they couldn't admit me to delivery. My mom and husband were with me, and so the three of us walked the hallway for 2 hours until they would check me again. Good fun. I look awesome . . . not. We went back into our Triage room and waited almost 2 hours to get checked again, because a woman had come in ready to deliver. She was only 35 weeks and she delivered the baby like 10 minutes after coming in. She screamed a lot, and it made me doubt my ability to handle what was coming, lol. It was about 3:30am (May 4) by the time I got checked again. It was a different midwife though and she was more supportive of me being there at that stage. She admitted me to delivery after checking me and finding out I was 3cm.

So, then we went to the labor and delivery room. I labored on an exercise ball for a while, but it wasn't nearly as comfortable as my ball at home. I eventually got some Benadryl cocktail to help me sleep through some of the labor. At that point I had been in labor about 24 hours. I didn't really sleep for long periods of time, because I was too concerned with what was going on in the room around me. My mom slept on the cot chair and Sean slept in the rocking chair and then with his head resting on my bed. I was loopy, and giggly. Every time I looked at Sean it looked like the was moving his mouth like a weirdo . . . but he wasn't.

Later in the morning my midwife, Lisa, came in and broke my waters. I don't think they told me how far dilated I was, but it took me a long time to come down from my high so I don't remember. Once I was fully myself again and allowed out of bed I got in the shower. The hot water on my back did wonders for contractions so I stayed in there for a couple hours. While I was in the shower my labor got really hard. I had to yell my way through them. I was kind of loud. I felt bad for the other women who had to hear me, because I remembered how I felt when I heard the woman scream earlier that morning. Shortly before I got out of the shower I had reached a point where all I could do for the minute between contractions was cry. My nurse convinced me to get out so they could check me again. I was hopeful, because my contractions were coming a minute or less apart and were horribly strong. Unfortunately I was only 6cm. I had been laboring for 32 hours at this point and my body was not relaxing enough to let things progress. My midwife suggested I get an epidural. I cried a lot, but I didn't hesitate to agree with her. At first I felt like a failure, but then I realized I had labored for over 30 hours already. Prior to labor I had said I would only get the epidural if the labor was extremely long or complicated. Well it was long enough and with so little progress. Getting the epidural was terrifying, because you have to be completely still while getting it. Having contractions so close together that were so painful that I had to yell and then trying to stay completely still while experiencing them . . . scary thought. Sean did an amazing job getting me through it. He sat right in front of me and I held on to his wrist and hand and squeezed like I have never squeezed before. Just when the anesthesiologist told me I had to be completely still a contraction started. I was so scared that I would move. I stared at Sean and kept repeating out loud "I'm trying so hard! I'm trying so hard!" Well, the man was quick! He had it in and had me taped up before the next contraction.

From that point on it took 2.5 hours for me to fully dilate. I couldn't feel anything from my lower abdomen down. My legs felt like they were being weighed down. I found it amusing to try to lift them. I started feeling a lot of pressure from the baby who was ready to come out. After laboring for so long I figured I would have to put up with the pressure for hours as well. When my midwife came in and checked me she told me I was complete and asked if I was ready to have a pushing party. That's when the water works kicked in. I was so happy, relieved, and surprised. She left a nurse in charge of the prep pushing. 2 pushes in the nurse was calling to get the midwife back in because the baby's head was right there from the start. My mom was in the room to witness the whole thing, and Sean helped with the pushing and watched the whole thing. By the time I delivered her I had pushed for about 25 minutes. I was told that after her head came out a hand followed close behind. She's a finger sucker. :) (PS I delivered at about 2:55pm) Lisa held her up immediately and asked me what I had. I declared "It's a girl" through a waterfall of tears. They placed her right on my chest where she stayed for at least a half hour. I honestly can't remember how the hard labor felt, and I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

She cried the whole first hour of her life, except for when her daddy rubbed her forehead. It was the cutest thing. They took her to the warmer and took her vitals. 6lbs 1oz and 20 in. She screamed like nothing I've ever heard when she got a vitamin K shot. Poor baby :( then I got to nurse her. She latched on immediately and stayed for about 25 minutes. Then we had the grand parents all come in to meet her. After that my siblings came in. Then she nursed on the other side for another 25 minutes. At that point we were all set to move to the recovery room. To be honest I didn't do a whole lot of reflecting on my feelings while we were in the hospital. I kept replaying the delivery and really couldn't believe it was all over and that I had a beautiful baby girl. I didn't sleep much. We had lots of visitors, mostly family. She lost 4oz while in the hospital, so when we left she was 5lbs 13oz. (She eats like a champ, so I'm sure she's back up to birth weight by now if not past it.)

I didn't like when I couldn't see her while we were there. Whether it was because I had to go to the bathroom or sleep. I just wanted her with me at all times. The hospital experience was okay. I didn't really care for all the advice or lack there of from the nurses. They all seemed to say something different about nursing and worried to much about her eating for exactly 10 minutes on each side. The pediatrician was much more realistic and relaxed about it all and the lactation consultant definitely was the most encouraging and knew what she was talking about. They gave me a packet on nursing that contradicted half the stuff my nurses told me. Just doesn't make sense to have so many staff members saying totally different and even inaccurate things. Anyway . . .

We went home in the afternoon on Sunday. I cried a lot. It was awesome. Bringing her home was all I wanted to do from the time we arrived in recovery to the time we were finally allowed to do it! Every minute since then has been full of so much love and joy. More on that in the next post!