Unfortunately, the things I'm bad at are the ones that count the most . . . I don't plan on highlighting all my flaws at this moment, but I will share a couple.
Do you trust me?
Well, God, of course I trust You. I would be incredibly stupid not to . . . You're God. I know that You will provide a place for us to live that will meet our needs. I know that You will guide us to make wise decisions regarding our potential future jobs. I know that You will provide the energy, encouragement, and strength we need to iron out our finances. I even know that my camera problems will be worked out for good, even if it isn't the way I think it should be. I know that when all is said and done these things are in Your hands.
Do you really trust me?
I would be a fool to question whether or not You would see me through the difficult situations in my life. I know that all things will work together for good. I trust You, God. I know better than to not trust you. I know I have no reason to worry, because You care for me.
Yeah, but do you really trust me?
God, I don't know how I can say it differently. I trust You. I shouldn't worry, because . . . Oh. I worry. I'm sitting here right now worrying and taking it out on my husband. I'm whining as I type. I know I should trust You, but do I really trust You. I know that I have no reason not to, yet my actions reveal that I am not fully trusting You to take care of these things. I am so wrapped up in satisfying myself with answers to these questions that I am completely missing the mark.
God, I struggle with laying down my burdens. Almost every day on my way to work I sing along with Need to Breathe's new album. My favorite song to sing along to is Lay 'em Down . . . hmmm I wonder what that's about? Irony much? Time and time again YOU have proven faithful. ONLY You. I look back on the past 10 months and wonder "How on Earth did we get through that?" . . . only You. You deserve my trust among so many other things.
. . . I've been reading a book lately about finances and the author is a Christian. He made a comment about how when people start making God honoring changes with their finances things seem to pop up to challenge these changes . . . test your patience. A lot of money problems come down to patience. What do I mean? I want it NOW not three months from now when I've been able to save enough after vigorous budgeting. NOW! Patience is BIG one for me . . . as in BIG PROBLEM! I'm not just talking about with money, but believe me I have bought so many things that I just could not wait to own that I have regretted later because I missed the money.
If I had to choose one of my flaws that was the worst it would be my LACK of patience. I am one of the most impatient people I know, and that is not an exaggeration. If you are thinking "oh my goodness that is so not true," thanks, but you're quite wrong. I'm pretty good at faking patience when I want to. Others of you may be thinking, "uh huh oh yeah, you're a pill." That's more like it. My husband is one of the most patient people I know. He's so chill sometimes that it frustrates me. He has his moments, but he almost always wins the patience game. . . not that we play one. Anyway, the money reference does have something to do with me personally . . . my rather expensive (well when I first bought it) camera is either temporarily sick or dying. I haven't decided which yet, but it doesn't look good. My husband and I are moving along on this new financial plan, but we are not at a place where replacing an $800 camera is something we can afford to do without a few months of saving . . . and I have one month until the wedding I'm photographing and not even two weeks until my family's vacation to the OBX. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I love to take photos. In fact I want it to be a future "career" of mine. So imagine my frustration when 2 weeks before an excellent opportunity to practice portrait shots and a month away from my first wedding my camera poops out! My first thought (shame on me) was . . . the emergency fund! I can easily replace it with the emergency fund! All is well in the world! WRONG! I could use the emergency fund, and not even all of it . . . as I sit here I am still trying to justify it in my head. This little voice keeps chiming in . . . This is your chance to test your patience especially regarding finances! Don't give in! God will see you through this, and the world won't even end!
So as of 10:13pm on May 3rd, 2011, I am exercising my little bit of patience to refrain from using my emergency fund to buy a camera.
Of course, this is not the only way my patience has been tested lately. We are looking to move soonish, and I just want to find a place now! I was quite proud of myself the other day. I told my husband that I would be okay with staying here even longer just so we have more time to find the right fit and in the mean time we can keep paying this "low" rent we have. Not a bad idea . . .
Oh I could go on and on about how impatient I am, but I have been typing for too long. Thank you for reading it all, though!
One last though . . . request. Would you please pray for me and my hubby as we learn patience together concerning our finances? Would you also pray that God would give me peace and that I would REALLY trust him? I'm feeling discouraged. I don't usually ask for prayer, but I should do that more often. We all should. No matter how little these issues may seem even a week from now (for all I know) they matter so much, because they are testing my character and will make me a better person tomorrow. Or something cliche like that.
:)
Love ya!
Night.
No comments:
Post a Comment